Nasty Snake - Fun Field trip!?!

I went on another field trip with Kolten's 4th grade class. I really can't wait till the boys in Kolten's class care about the way they smell - on a bus. Do boys ever care about that?? But I digress... anyway, we went to some ranch to learn about water. Hmmm... I didn't really make that sound as exciting and fun as it was - did I mention the smelly bus ride home??? Just kidding... it was better than that. I got to spend the whole day with Kolten and I even learned a little which I couldn't tell you now what it was, since it has been over 24 hours ago!:) Kolten loved it - it was like a dream come true for him. Being that he has a mind like a scientist or something. Riparian - see I did remember something!!! And I'm even going on little sleep right now!!! (Which will explain the type-os and unclear thought pattern later!:)) Anyway we got to see a falcon that this lady had saved and Kolten thought it was super cool. The kids dug for water near the river and played like they were having a day at the beach! But the BEST part of the whole day, the part I was so grateful that I was there for, was this crazy lady's pet snake. I say crazy because she had mentioned something to us about never, ever killing a rattlesnake - which if you follow my blog at all, you will have seen pictures of a dead one. I just smiled as if she were crazy and hadn't really ever been hissed at by a deadly snake before. I DO NOT LIKE SNAKES!!! I don't even like dead ones, because they can still move and strike at you even if their nasty head is cut off. I don't touch snakes, I don't talk about snakes (unless I have to in my blog), I avoid snakes at all costs, I don't even have a snakeskin purse or shoes. If I actually had to hate something in this world it would be snakes! Do you get the picture?? Well we are running out of time at this field trip, when this crazy lady comes walking out of (what I find out later is her "snake house") this building carrying this ginormously huge snake which Kolten informed me between excited gasps was a BOA CONSTRICTOR. Hmmm... constrictor like meaning it could squeeze you to death in a second??? So I decided to let Kolten enjoy the moment while I sat back away from the crowd - I wanted all the 4th graders to have a chance to see it without me blocking their view and of course being 50 feet away was still too close for me! Kolten took the camera up closer and started snapping shots - when this crazy lady had an even crazier idea - hey kids do you want to hold this disgusting, huge reptile, too??? But just remember, stay quiet and no sudden movements... this snake is totally harmless, but just in case, we don't want to make any sudden moves or loud noises. WHAT??? What the heck was that supposed to mean - just in case? Just in case he takes out half the 4th grade class?? Was I the only one wanting to scream at the crazy lady now? But then I remembered her advice to "stay quiet". Well she starts having the children line up shoulder to shoulder if they want to "hold" the snake, and then she quietly, calmly places it over their shoulders and they are all excited. Dumb field trip. Well I did get a little closer at that point, so I could get some pictures of Kolten, but thank goodness for "zoom" on the camera. If I hadn't felt like such a woos I would've just had someone else take the pictures and stayed back at a distance. After Kolten's turn I retired to my same semi-safe position. Well a father and his daughter (who happen to be in our ward) apparently have the same feelings I do for snakes, and were sitting back minding their own business, when I guess they decided they would try to overcome their fear by holding the snake together. I think it was more the father's idea, since the daughter was nearly white at this time. Well he asked if I would take their picture - what could I say? They lined up shoulder to shoulder and the crazy lady draped the snake over their shoulders and I got some terrific pictures! Well Kolten is now standing by me - just happened to be shoulder to shoulder - and when the crazy lady removes the snake from them she asks "who's next?" and within seconds my life changed for the WORSE!! Kolten says, kind of loudly I thought with the snake so close by, "US"!!! What the??? I didn't even have time to drop the camera and run for it. Before I could even clearly register what Kolten had said - had done to me, his own mother, that nasty BOA CONSTRICTOR was laying on my neck and shoulders. By the way, this was all too funny to Kolten who knows how I feel about snakes. He thought it was great! I'm still deciding whether to severely punish him for this or just let it go... Okay so what seemed like forever this heavy nasty snake is on me. YUCK!! The crazy lady must have sensed something because she asked "don't you like snakes?" Being that she was crazy and that I had her beloved pet on me, I only thought for a second about trying (like I even could have) to "flip" the snake off me which would've probably ended up freaking out and constricting itself around my only son...hmmm...:) just kidding I didn't think about that too long. Not just for Kolten's sake, but I figured the crazy lady would have been at my throat in 2 seconds had I done it. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had the thing on my shoulder, it just so happened that she put the head on my side, so she tells me to hold out my hand - when will I learn? Just do what someone asks, without questioning, where's my backbone - oh yeah its being crushed by this enormous, disgusting snake... anyway she plops the head in my hand and says to be careful and keep it away from my face. WHAT??? How much longer can this go on? Doesn't anyone else want a turn? Shouldn't the bus driver say it's time to go? Do I need to go to the bathroom or is it too late?:) Well after an eon of time she finally hefted scaly off me and gave me a smirk that I took for not being friendly but more like HA! I got you!! Crazy lady anyway!
She picked Kolten to be one of the "lucky" kids to get to carry the snake back to the snake house and we got to follow to see all her stupid pets. At this point I am not having fun anymore! So she corners me in the snake house, - now that she doesn't have the snake I think I could take her - and says, "so you don't like snakes?" Wow, isn't she brilliant. "You know you have a better chance of getting killed or hurt on that bus than you do from a snake". Oh really? Well guess what I don't like buses either. Luckily for me (or her:)) Kolten's teacher was waiting by the door, with hand sanitizer, yippee!!- I'm eyeing the bottle wondering if there's enough to pour over my whole body! Thank goodness I was at least wearing a collared shirt! So I was able to escape and get on the bus and have a SAFE ride home. For days, I could still feel it on my shoulders... shudder, shudder. I can't wait to go back in the Spring! HA!!